Growth is a mysterious process
Mysterious in the sense that we actually never witness growth but suddenly things seem to have changed!
(I didn’t actually see the little leaves coming out of the branches of the hawthorns in our garden, but there they were, on a Sunday afternoon, green and delicate. I didn’t actually see that extra pound grow on my belly, but there it was one morning, at least according to the scales ;-))
Growth seems to be about one form changing into another with one common denominator: going from small to big(ger), from premature to mature, from seed to full bloom. Growth carries a promise; it’s an uphill, expanding movement, leading up to some grand finale in the future.
We love growth
It’s so comforting, so reassuring, so healthy and vital.
When we talk about inner growth, we feel we are headed somewhere. We can leave (thank God) our old stuff behind, and walk on fresh soil, escaping the old routes in our weary heads. We feel we found meaning, a new definition of ourselves, yes, we are finally on a right track!
Of course we don’t actually see the movement itself leading us into this newness, but here we are, feeling inspired and energized, just like that. We don’t actually experience moving on a track, but here we are, feeling open and no longer weighed down by our critical notions about ourselves.
A series of unique moments
The story of going somewhere is promising and a tale that our minds really like.
But all that ever happens is the unique experience of this moment:
Feeling a longing for change, experiencing openness, expressing emotions or physical energy or bursting with confidence…
The mind LOVES to understand and control, so it weaves a story out of these sensations and calls it “growth”.
Nothing wrong with that, but…
All these experiences are going nowhere, they are in fact, just being perfectly themselves! Free from past or future, from failure or success….or from labels called growth or stagnation. They just happen, not attached to anything. Not even to the next sensation!
It means…..
It means it doesn’t matter if we grow or not grow, if we are heading somewhere or not, because in reality, we are just experiencing all this stuff while we are completely here, present, fine and whole.
From this wholeness, we experience frustration. Or bliss. Or the story about us growing, improving. Or utterly failing.
From this freedom, we experience ourselves as a person, doing our exercises, feeling strong, weak or happy.
Just take one step back, step out of the story of You (even for a moment)
Lean back
Just relax your back, lean back and realize you are not your self-image (the one that always needs improvement…)
Feel this moment, right here, in which you are completely safe and welcomed by life,
being exactly where you should be (where else could you be?)
and THEN enjoy your practice, enjoy the story of growth, make an effort, give it everything you’ve got!
Knowing that you have arrived already 🙂
Esther T
